Over two months ago I had an online conversation with a dear friend and ex-colleague who had just had a breakup of engagement that lasted and consumed big chunk of time, life, and soul. I am not aware of full details of what happened and why, however, I can judge by the conversation that despite everything a stronger person emerged from this break-up, maybe a bit confused but definitely stronger.
How can I tell that my friend came out stronger?!!! Well, the main reason is that I was given permission to write about the story and the content of our conversation. I chose not to mention names, because it is simply irrelevant to most of the lucky readers of my blog.
Then over three weeks ago a new online friend asked me to talk about myself and my views on life and relationship. And I thought to myself "Hmmmm, haven't I done that before?"... oh yeah, the conversation. I remembered that due to the travel and holiday mood, I did not post the conversation as I promised my friend. So I wrote an email to the new friend and decided to finalize and publish this blog.
I will first discuss what to look for and expect in a relationship; hence marriage, in general. Later, I would talk about how to know if this is the right person for you? And also what if things don't work out.
This article written represents my thoughts and views and written in first person for simplicity; however, I would like to highlight and appreciate the contributions of dear friends in many ways. I am grateful for their ideas and contributions that enhanced my thoughts and made me adopt better concepts. It is hard to name everyone, so thanks to all of you.
First, what I really appreciate, and do my best to live by, is honesty. I hate liars and lies in any format. I might be slow in trusting people, but if anyone betrays my trust, then it will be difficult to deal with him/her anymore. It is always easier to maintain trust than striving to re-gain it.
The second equally important factor, in my view, is "respect" for the person each one of us is and respect for his/her culture and the way he/she thinks and acts. Respect is the pillar for building any relationship and with mutual respect we will be able to work on actually understanding and accepting the other person. If you have no respect for someone, then why on earth are you even considering him/her for relationship or even a job?
In all types of relationships there is one single common success factor that I noted; friendship. Being friend with your partner is sure the best way to get through relationship and life. Friendship, as an attitude, gives you the ability to be open to the other and actually enjoy doing that. Friendship builds on honesty and respect and is actually the bonding agent for all the factors in a relationship. I haven't lived that much but one thing I noticed is that most successful relationships and couples are good friends, I wonder if you noticed the same.
Now, if you are honest and trust your friend then you will be very open with him/her and you will have no problem in expressing your wishes or your fears. Open communication is the key to building and sustaining healthy relationship, you cannot build a relationship based on guessing what the other person really wants, or what he/she means by what he/she says. Communication has to be crystal clear and I believe this should be the number one success factor, and it could actually lead to building trust and respect.
Combining all the above will lead to the most important attitude to make any relationship succeed, it is the attitude to work on resolving any issues that may appear and not to blame each others. It is always easier to blame others than to look into the problem, what you did, and what you can do to resolve them.
So what turns me off? well, not many things but i have to mention them. as an important part of respect, I believe in being equal. I can tolerate if someone thinks he/she is better, although I do not believe in that. BUT I can never accept or tolerate someone who thinks that I am inferior to him/her. That is a sure killer to any relationship.
I hate lying and dishonesty as I mentioned earlier, but the thing that I could never digest is dishonesty in any form of communication, or at least inconsistency in communication messages, life is complicated enough to add un-clear communication.
I normally lose interest when I discover that the other person is not interested or takes my commitment lightly; however, I know and I accept the fact that you cannot have everyone on earth as your friend.
So dear, I strive to communicate clearly, be honest, trust and respect others, look forward to befriending everyone, and work hard on taking it easy and work on resolving any issues as they come. This is my pledge in any relationship, and this is what I expect.
How can I tell that my friend came out stronger?!!! Well, the main reason is that I was given permission to write about the story and the content of our conversation. I chose not to mention names, because it is simply irrelevant to most of the lucky readers of my blog.
Then over three weeks ago a new online friend asked me to talk about myself and my views on life and relationship. And I thought to myself "Hmmmm, haven't I done that before?"... oh yeah, the conversation. I remembered that due to the travel and holiday mood, I did not post the conversation as I promised my friend. So I wrote an email to the new friend and decided to finalize and publish this blog.
I will first discuss what to look for and expect in a relationship; hence marriage, in general. Later, I would talk about how to know if this is the right person for you? And also what if things don't work out.
This article written represents my thoughts and views and written in first person for simplicity; however, I would like to highlight and appreciate the contributions of dear friends in many ways. I am grateful for their ideas and contributions that enhanced my thoughts and made me adopt better concepts. It is hard to name everyone, so thanks to all of you.
First, what I really appreciate, and do my best to live by, is honesty. I hate liars and lies in any format. I might be slow in trusting people, but if anyone betrays my trust, then it will be difficult to deal with him/her anymore. It is always easier to maintain trust than striving to re-gain it.
The second equally important factor, in my view, is "respect" for the person each one of us is and respect for his/her culture and the way he/she thinks and acts. Respect is the pillar for building any relationship and with mutual respect we will be able to work on actually understanding and accepting the other person. If you have no respect for someone, then why on earth are you even considering him/her for relationship or even a job?
In all types of relationships there is one single common success factor that I noted; friendship. Being friend with your partner is sure the best way to get through relationship and life. Friendship, as an attitude, gives you the ability to be open to the other and actually enjoy doing that. Friendship builds on honesty and respect and is actually the bonding agent for all the factors in a relationship. I haven't lived that much but one thing I noticed is that most successful relationships and couples are good friends, I wonder if you noticed the same.
Now, if you are honest and trust your friend then you will be very open with him/her and you will have no problem in expressing your wishes or your fears. Open communication is the key to building and sustaining healthy relationship, you cannot build a relationship based on guessing what the other person really wants, or what he/she means by what he/she says. Communication has to be crystal clear and I believe this should be the number one success factor, and it could actually lead to building trust and respect.
Combining all the above will lead to the most important attitude to make any relationship succeed, it is the attitude to work on resolving any issues that may appear and not to blame each others. It is always easier to blame others than to look into the problem, what you did, and what you can do to resolve them.
So what turns me off? well, not many things but i have to mention them. as an important part of respect, I believe in being equal. I can tolerate if someone thinks he/she is better, although I do not believe in that. BUT I can never accept or tolerate someone who thinks that I am inferior to him/her. That is a sure killer to any relationship.
I hate lying and dishonesty as I mentioned earlier, but the thing that I could never digest is dishonesty in any form of communication, or at least inconsistency in communication messages, life is complicated enough to add un-clear communication.
I normally lose interest when I discover that the other person is not interested or takes my commitment lightly; however, I know and I accept the fact that you cannot have everyone on earth as your friend.
So dear, I strive to communicate clearly, be honest, trust and respect others, look forward to befriending everyone, and work hard on taking it easy and work on resolving any issues as they come. This is my pledge in any relationship, and this is what I expect.
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